What I Believe

To stand in front of an expanse of members bound by compact to heed your every command and pique their first step by the wave of your hand – is not the greatest power. To conquer their will by a strong word or salty remark – is not the greatest power. But to extract their respect, solely by your stance and stride and word, to instill in them a passion to pursue that which they previously lacked interest – is the greatest power.

Somewhere between my fifth grade run and loss for the vice presidential position in elementary school and my ninth grade marching band audition for the drum major position in high school, I lost my sense of self-worth. What could have happened within those three inactive years of my now sixteen-year-old life baffles me. What caused my plummet to the doldrums further baffles me. Perhaps, I had always subconsciously been unstable and my loss in fifth grade ultimately damaged my façade. Whatever the why and wherefore, I still question it to this day.

In ninth grade I still recognized that same sense of insecurity; however, my mother, like all mothers do, began to take notice. I wasn’t the same. I merely sought comfort in my bedroom as a sanctuary and my journal as a confidant. After many attempts to pull information from me, it turned out that that was all they were – attempts. Left only to perceive what might be wrong, she and my father both hit a notion that sparked a light in me. So eloquently quoted by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., one of their reassuring notions was that “a man can’t ride your back unless it’s bent.” (I actually found the quote this year.)

In truth, I’ve always wanted and still wish to be a great leader and follow the milestones set by the well-known greats before me. I did not seek power out of leadership. I simply sought to instill a passion for the marching band in its members. I found pride in this new activity and wished to share that pride.

Knowing full well that a lowered head and incessantly disconcerted mind would get me nowhere, I picked myself up solely to fight a battle I’d started myself. Despite my insecurities and with regard to the basic precepts given to me by my mom and dad, I decided to put all that I believed was an imperfection behind and audition for the highest leadership position in the band – as a freshman. I did fulfill a high position, much to the disappointment of older members, but in spite of their discontent, I pushed forward and tried for the position once more in tenth grade – and succeeded.

As a drum major I truly learned the divide between friendship and leadership. I grew to believe that genuine confidence is not prominent, but the pretense of confidence may be all that is necessary to succeed. Effective leadership is effective only if this confidence allows impassionate members to commit to an activity, one that they first found pointless, because they want to commit themselves. And that the greatest power lies in self-satisfaction, self-leadership, and thus the ability to effectively lead others. This is what I believe.